, ,


How to quickly identify a bro?


If there is one thing I can’t stand it’s bro-ness.  I’m not talking about the comically cute bromances your boyfriend may have with his guy friend when they both start talking about magic card games and get excitedly nostalgic.  I’m talking about the overly arrogant, unforgivably obnoxious, and ridiculously dramatic bro.  You know who I’m talking about.  We’ve all been around that special someone at some point in time.  And if you are reading this in any other place but prison, congratulations; you managed not to kill that bro on the spot, which is a flippin’ miracle!

Bros are easy to dispose of if you use the proper repellant: dismissal.  They hate to be ignored. You may anger them initially by brushing them aside but bros have limited attention spans.  Just dangle a beer in front of them and they’ll be on their merry way.  The tricky part comes when you have a bro in a work environment; they aren’t so easy to dispose of then.

Let’s suppose this bro is unbelievably unprofessional, not only toward coworkers but toward “customers” as well.  He’s also catty.  Much like a woman, he will be kind and friendly to your face only to turn around and gossip about you among your peers.  When he is on duty, the entire mood changes.  People roll their eyes more, huff their breaths, voices raise, work is less efficient, the awkwardness grows thick and attitudes become defensive.  It becomes a hostile environment.

It’s a waste of so much: experience (he has years of experience in his field; he could teach someone a lot), resources (how much does he get paid to sit there and shop on ebay?), chair space and oxygen.


I tend to kill with kindness.  It’s not worth the social strife of “keeping it real” with a bro, especially in a work setting.  This technique, however, must be kept in check or else it dissolves into passive aggressive behavior.  As long as you remain non-petty, kindness mixed with a good dose of standing your ground is the best way to handle a bro co-worker.  It takes conscientious effort on your part but bros aren’t as dumb as they may look.  They do catch on to your game and after testing your boundaries a few times, they will back off eventually.

I’m guessing.  This is all hypothetical speculation of course…